What I am meant to be doing with my life?

Are you feeling blah and not sure why or what to do?

For the past month, I have been feeling blah. I thought maybe I was feeling this way because I was exhausted and winter was here, which I am not a fan of. We went on a beautiful trip in February to Antigua. It was beautiful and relaxing, but when I came back I went right back to feeling blah. I thought it was because I didn’t like the way I looked, so I got a haircut, which did help😊 (this is not my new hair, but rather how I feel)

However, when I wake up to go to work that’s when I feel it the most. I feel a heavy heart. I’m angry and frustrated because I have not found work that makes me happy that I can do it daily.  Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful for having a job, but that’s just it…A JOB. I feel like I am meant to be doing something else, but what else that is I don’t know.

I was given many opportunities to try new positions with government department. I was a Wellness coordinator and I liked it, minus a few events that made me feel nauseous, but it wasn’t permanent, and I was looking for better pay and working in a team. The one thing I didn’t like was working alone. While I dealt with people, I worked alone. I had no one to go for coffee with, to brainstorm ideas off of, except for the DG, which is not what I wanted to do. I truly believed in the workshops and I loved being at these events because I could see how it helped, but it wasn’t permanent.

Then there was the Awards Coordinator, which was a good position too, and very busy, but that one had way too much isolation for me. This job was mostly about contracts and promoting events, which was fun, but it was not for me. The most painful part about that job was writing speeches. I didn’t have the experience they needed and felt so incompetent and some of the people I worked with helped me feel that way too. This was a big part of the job and I didn’t know it would be when I took on the task. Well, I had nightmares about people getting upset with me because the speech was awful. So I told my boss that I no longer wanted the job and wish to go back to my old job because…I hated it. That was not a way I wanted to feel every day, hating to wake up, crying and not feeling supported.

So now I am at a job that is not challenging, and the people that come to see you are stressed because they are doing tests. I coordinate second language testing for employees. I am a positive person and feel it when people are stressed, so this job takes its toll on my health. I was also working in a separate office and that didn’t help with the emotions. I felt isolation. However, we now have everyone back on the team and it’s much better, and I am back in my old office where there are fun people who like their jobs.

So, the question I am asking myself is “what am I meant to be doing with my life?” well, I don’t know the answer yet, but I do know what I DON’T want to be doing which is working in a stressful or negative environment; being in isolation; doing repetitive work where I don’t get to voice my opinion; not working in a team; having no one to work with on a team; working in an area where people don’t support you or help you; working crazy hours; not being able to take a break and have someone watch the hours you work. That one I hate the most! I am not paid by hour, I am paid to get the job done!

So, what’s my next plan of action? I am going to find something else in another government department. I am going to send out my resume as suggested by my awesome friend Carol, to see if I can deploy to another department where they have opportunities and…do things I value like make the world or the city a better place.

If you know of a department that is looking for someone who likes technical, likes to deal with people, likes training and writing instructional guides, can juggle multiple things, and is willing to learn new skills, please pass along their name to me and I will GLADLY contact them. While I am currently a CR-04, I have been acting in many roles as an AS-03.

Now it’s your turn, if you’re feeling blah, look at why and come up with a small step as to what you can do to change it. Maybe you just need a day off to watch TV all day..DO IT! Maybe your body is sore and need to get a massage, but the hours are during work…DO IT! Maybe you’re like me and need a change of career, write down what you don’t like and then what you DO like and look for work that has those components and then, start making 1 call or email a day. Baby steps is for me the only way to go.

If you have other ways to help with the blah’s, please share in the comments below.

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